it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
