What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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