dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
