is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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