1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
