its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
