I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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