Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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