I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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