Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Even my vagina gasped.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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