I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
