my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
