there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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