she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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