did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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