im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
