yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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