My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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