don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
