Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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