good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
