I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize