the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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