I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
