he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I did not marry a roomba.
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