your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my being single is dangerous.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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