went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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