How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need to stop coming to work sober
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
