My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
