I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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