Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
