Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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