I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
