True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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