I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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