So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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