I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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