I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize