My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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