then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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