He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
