just tell him i said nine months
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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