i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
