Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i out mim tonsoeep
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize