pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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