She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
