can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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