nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
