my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
