This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
