You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
