Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize