I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
