just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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