I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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