Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize