In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone came in the potted fern
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
