So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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