How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
