He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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