everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
