I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
