ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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