The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
