Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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