Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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