I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
