The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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