There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
