Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Bring me that man meat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
