who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
