If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
