Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
