I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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