did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
