this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
