We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
