I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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