Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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