I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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