my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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