I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
