Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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