btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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