Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
