This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
