did you get engaged???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
