your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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