I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
