Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
