Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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