Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
