I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got chris browned last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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