I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
