Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
