some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
