Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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