Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
