i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she told me i tasted like america
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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