I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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