mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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