i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
