Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
