Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
