Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
